Navigating Empty Nest Syndrome
It feels like only yesterday you brought your little bundle of joy home from the hospital. Then suddenly, you’re standing outside a college dorm trying not to cry as you say goodbye to your freshman.
It’s the most bittersweet of life transitions: you’re so happy for your child to be off on this new adventure but your heart is breaking knowing that you won’t see them everyday anymore.
Parenting has been a rollercoaster filled with happiness, challenges, and big changes. As children grow up and move out, many parents experience a mix of emotions called empty nest syndrome. It can bring both new freedoms and opportunities, but also feelings of loss, sadness, and loneliness. For some parents, these emotions can become so intense that they even lead to serious depression and a life crisis.
Five Signs of Trouble
According to Very Well Family there are five signs that you may be suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome:
A Loss of Purpose: After years of taking care of your kids, your days may feel empty and your home too quiet. Despite your friends, family, work, and other activities, your days may still feel a bit empty and your house is way too quiet. It's normal to grieve the end of this chapter, but don't forget that a new one is beginning for both you and your child. After you allow yourself to experience an adjustment period, you can set out to discover a new direction or purpose in your life
Frustration Over Lack of Control: You might feel left out of your child's life now that they're on their own. It's essential to avoid being too controlling. It might be a challenge but have confidence in their ability to navigate their own life and trust that they’ll come to you if they need advice or support. Avoid laying a guilt trip on your child or becoming a helicopter parent. Research on the helicopter parenting style—characterized by over-involvement and "hovering" over a child—has shown that it backfires, instead it often produces a lower sense of well-being and confidence in college-age students.
Emotional Distress: Becoming an empty nester can stir up all sorts of difficult emotions, like sadness, anger, nervousness, and frustration. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up, and remember that emotions are not right or wrong. Rather, they are a reflection of the situation you're facing. It’s okay to be feeling sad. Let yourself experience uncomfortable emotions for a while. However, if after several weeks, you find you can’t get over them, it might be time to seek some professional help.
Marital Stress: Raising kids can consume all your time, and neglecting your relationship might lead to challenges when the kids are gone. If you've spent years neglecting your marriage, you might find your relationship needs some work once the kids are gone. Communicate with your spouse and consider couples therapy if needed.
Anxiety About Your Children: It's normal to worry about how your child is doing after they've left the nest, but constant anxiety isn't helpful. Find a balance between staying connected and giving them space to grow. This is your child's opportunity to spread their wings and practice those skills you taught them while they lived at home.
Coping Strategies and Support
Empty nest syndrome can be emotionally challenging for parents, sometimes leading to depression and life crisis. Recognizing and addressing depression linked to empty nest syndrome is crucial for parents' well-being. Engaging in self-care practices like exercise, meditation, and pursuing personal interests can rebuild your sense of self. Connecting with other parents experiencing the same phase through support groups or online communities can offer understanding and support.
If you’ve tried it all and nothing is working it might be time to seek help from therapists who can give you a safe space to process these emotions.
